Why do we feel so crushed by feedback?
No one likes criticism. Which is why asking for, giving or receiving feedback at work is a minefield – for everyone involved. But, if done correctly, feedback can motivate employees and help us all learn more about how to produce our best, most efficient work.
However, with research suggesting that feedback can have a detrimental effect in 38% of cases, it’s crucial we get it right. The same study, a meta-analysis conducted in 1996 by Kluger & DeNisi, found that the effectiveness of feedback decreases as attention moves closer to the self and away from the task. In this post, we will cover the best way to go about asking for feedback, plus the best way to deliver it.
How to ask for feedback
Avoid yes/no questions
When asking for feedback, simply asking “Is this OK?” won’t cut it. Scope for learning is limited by the question itself, which infers a yes or no response. Instead, reframe your question to “How can I improve this?” Your manager or mentor will be able to elaborate and help guide you towards a solution.
Listen
Receiving criticism can be inflammatory, but remember: you are in charge of your response. When we’re defensive, we run the risk of missing out on important insights. Keep your thoughts in check and make sure that any negative thoughts don’t cloud your ability to absorb what is being said.
Address your limiting beliefs
Criticism stings so much because often it plays into the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves. For example, ask yourself how you would finish the following statement: “Someone has criticised me, therefore…”
Did you answer with anything like this? “I am no good at this; I am not a good fit; I am inadequate; I should look for another job.”
You just uncovered some of your own, subconscious limiting beliefs. To get more comfortable with being criticised, we must acknowledge and confront them. Much like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy asks us to challenge our automatic thoughts, confronting our limiting beliefs allows us to dispute and disprove them. Firstly, ask if it is true, and how you can know this for sure. Then ask how it makes you react, and what happens when you believe that thought. Lastly, ask yourself who you would you be without that limiting thought.
By holding limiting beliefs under the spotlight, it’s easier to see how they are unfounded, and then learn to take criticism more objectively.
Seek solutions
Finally, always look for solutions. If you are unsure of how to address an issue, ask for guidance creating an action plan. A feedback session is only as good as the outcome gained. Don’t be afraid to ask for a follow up session in a few weeks to see how you are doing.
How to give effective feedback
Make regular feedback a priority, not an option
Feedback shouldn’t be a once-a-year event, however, many managers make the mistake of de-prioritising regular 121s with their employees. Studies show that more communicative, honest cultures drive increased productivity, innovation, and employee satisfaction. Creating a culture of regular feedback for your direct report(s) will lead to greater autonomy and understanding between you, and will also make it easier to bring up difficult issues in the future.
Check your motives
Crucially, ensure feedback is for the receiver’s benefit, not yours. Check your motives for what you are about to share with them, and be aware if you are using it as a way of showcasing your own skills and knowledge.
Before you begin, ask:
1) What’s my purpose in giving this feedback?
2) Is it the right purpose from my point of view?
3) Is it the right purpose from the other person’s point of view?
Focus on changeable behaviours
Similarly, focus on behaviours, not the person. You should also stick to behaviours he/she can actually change, or you will struggle to find solutions – making the feedback session more demoralising than positive. Staying solution-focused is the best way to keep things relevant and avoid straying into personal territory. Do say: “I think you could be more proactive about collaborating with colleagues to get the best results on projects.” Don’t say: “You are very isolated from other teams at work and it creates an atmosphere.”
Limit your focus
A scattergun approach to feedback will confuse and potentially upset your employee. Being too general or covering too many things in a session can risk leaving someone feeling attacked, demoralised and at a loss on how to move forward. Keep feedback specific, covering no more than two issues at a time.
Give positive feedback often
Never forget to give positive feedback. A Zenger & Folkman study found that a boss’s willingness to give positive feedback was the strongest predictor of whether their direct reports perceive them to be effective, honest communicators. This is easily achieved by implementing regular 121s, creating an open environment for praise so that as and when trickier subjects arise, your employee feels valued enough to respond with a growth mindset. One study found that high-performing teams receive nearly six times more positive feedback than less effective ones.
Keep it private
Lastly, feedback should never be conducted in public. Ensure any reviews or feedback sessions are conducted in private, away from other colleagues. If an employee does something in a meeting which you need to address, wait until afterwards to take them to one side and discuss it.